A New Start
by ZeeIsTrans
Summary: Inspired by "Swan Song", so obviously there's going to be major spoilers for seasons 1-5. Summary: Dean's experience before and after arriving at Lisa's house. This may or may not end up being a multi-chapter fic, but who knows? Disclaimer: all characters belong to the CW DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

When Dean had first parked the Impala, her engine slowly revving into silence, he had a million thoughts going through his head. Sam was gone, and there was no guarantee that Lisa would even let him in. There was no absolutes to his situation. If he knocked on Lisa's door, she might open it. If she opened it, she might let him in. And even if she did let him in, who knew if she would be able to deal with the complete and total mess Dean was doomed to be once the real loss had settled into his mind.

Grief was something Dean understood well. But, he was never prepared no matter how many times he had to experience it. When his mother died, he cried and was upset at first, but that wasn't the worst part. The worst parts were the months after Mary's death. Knowing that his mother was actually gone for good, and was never coming back. He stopped speaking to anyone, trapped inside his mind contemplating the fact that he'd have to live the rest of his life without his Mother.

And now that Sam was gone, he was reliving it all over again. He had stopped at a few gas stations on the way to Lisa's, and the most recent one before arriving, he had finally broke down. After filling up Baby's tank, Dean sat in the driver's seat, immobile and silent. He was only a few miles away from his destination, and he could easily just go right then and there, but he didn't. He just stared at the flickering light of the gas station's open/closed sign. The 'O' was burnt out, and the last three letters were barely holding onto their lives. Dean focused on the faint buzzing of the power lines around the lot. And then all of a sudden, he remembered the image of his brother falling into the abyss that led to Lucifer's cage.

Tears formed in his eyes, but he tried to hold them back. He had to stay strong for Sammy. Except, Sammy was gone, and he had no one else to hide his feelings from other than the redneck on the other side of the lot who was filling up his pickup truck. He gave in to all the feelings that he'd kept inside since saying goodbye to Bobby.

He let out a loud sob that shook his whole body, and then he let out another one. Tears went down his cheeks like a waterfall, and soon his body was continuously wracked with heart-wrenching sobs. The onslaught of emotions lasted for almost ten minutes, and then Dean's breathing evened out. He wiped the left over tears away and took a deep breath. He finally put the keys into the ignition, and heard the familiar sound of the Impala's engine starting up.

 **Should I continue this? I don't know if I'll ever finish it, but hey, might as well try, right?**

 **Also I'd be very grateful if you left a review**

 **-Maggie**


	2. Chapter 2

Dean had been sitting in the Impala outside of Lisa's house for so long, spaced out that he hadn't even noticed the tears that had been freely falling from his eyes. He repeated what he had done at the gas station, and carefully stepped out of his precious car. His heart started to beat faster the closer he got to the door. Dean took a second to make sure he was fully composed, and then gently knocked on the door.

When he saw Lisa's face, he didn't know what to say or how to tell her what had happened. Instead, he just gave the best smile he could manage, and simply said, "Hey, Lisa." When she smiled back at him, he was filled up with so much relief. She was going to accept him.

"Oh, thank god. Are you alright?" Her voice was filled with concern that Dean didn't feel he deserved. He wanted to ignore her question and just thank her for even keeping the door open. Instead, he tried to muster up some sort of confidence.

"Yeah. Uh, if it's not too late, I... think I'd like to take you up on that beer." As soon as he finished his sentence, he realized there was probably no point to even attempt at sounding not as broken as he was.

Lisa half smiled at him, and said, "It's never too late." That was all it took for Dean to step inside of her home, and melt into her arms. He tried to keep his breathing under control, but it was obvious it was never going to work, so he let loose all of the grief and pain that still had been holding inside of him since he left the gas station.

"Shh. It's okay. It's gonna be okay." Lisa soothed, as Dean broke apart in her arms. It felt refreshing to free all of his emotions, but at the same time, it wasn't helping. Sam was still gone, and now that it finally hit him, there was no stopping him as the dam he held all bad feelings behind, broke.

After Dean had calmed down, Lisa reintroduced him to Ben. The child was weary at first, not sure if he was ready to let Dean back into his life. After about 30 seconds, Ben ran to Dean, and hugged him. The man was shocked. He put both of his arms around Ben, happy that he was accepting him. Lisa smiled at the exchange. This was a good start.

Dean was offered a drink by Lisa, and he smiled that she knew he needed one. The now only Winchester brother sat at the table, Ben sitting across from him.

Dean thought about the last time he sat and ate at an actual table, with people who cared for him.

It was a week before Sam left for Stanford. A week before his life had officially gone to shit. Sam was to the right of him, with John across from them. They weren't eating anything fancy, just some pizza. It was one of the rare nights that his Dad and Sam hadn't fought at all. There was an atmosphere that Dean hadn't felt in that house in a long time. Sammy was with him, and his father wasn't angry.

Dean had zoned out for so long, that he didn't even notice the tears slipping down his cheeks.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Ben asked. Dean finally came back to reality, wiped away his tears, and nodded. "Bullshit." Ben said, quietly. Despite his efforts, Lisa heard him, anyway. "Ben! Language." She said, setting down the plates of food in front of the two boys, and sitting down.

"Sorry." He apologized. Lisa looked at Dean, and saw the badly hidden emotion in his eyes.

"You should eat something. Come on." She suggested, although, it really wasn't a suggestion. She was going to help the broken man in front of her. She loved Dean, after all.

Dean picked up the fork beside his plate, and took a small bite of the salad. Even though it tasted fine, he still didn't want it. What was the point? It's not like eating a damn salad would fix the fact that his brother was dead.

Before he knew it, there was another tear that fell from his eye, and he felt Lisa put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Dean decided he should just eat his food, and then he'd be able to drink himself into oblivion. It was all he wanted.

After eating, Dean was too emotionally drained to even have another drink. He wanted to sleep, and stay that way forever. Lisa and him went up the stairs and into her bathroom. Dean felt hesitant, maybe he shouldn't sleep in the same bed as Lisa yet. Her inviting pat on the opposite side of the bed dispelled Dean's doubts. He undressed, and carefully slipped into the bed.

It only took him a few minutes to fall asleep. It was mostly because of Lisa's comfort throughout those minutes. Soon after, Lisa herself drifted off.


End file.
